Once Srila Prabhupada jokingly asked a newly married girl, “Whom do you love more – Krishna or your husband?”
The girl hearing the question started crying.
Prabhupada was little surprised. He asked her why is she crying.
The girl replied, “I am just married so I don’t know much about my husband so can’t say that I love him very much.”
“Also I do not have taste for the holy name so it seems that I don’t have love for Krishna too.”
Prabhupada said, “No problem. Keep trying, gradually taste for holy name will develop and love for Krishna will manifest”.
It is true that unless and until we know a person completely it may not be possible for us to love him/her. Love for a person develops when we start seeing his/her qualities, sacrifices and how much he/she cares for us selflessly.
It is not that from day 1 we start loving our mother and father. But when we see how selflessly they are taking care of us often sacrificing their own desires and comforts we start developing love for them.
Krishna also loves us selflessly. Whether we love him or not he continues to love us providing all the necessities of life. It is true that we suffer too but suffering is meant to correct us.
If we start practicing devotional life by chanting the Hare Krishna mahamantra sincerely and read more about Krishna then gradually we will understand Krishna and love for him will manifest.
Krishna in Bhagavad Gita assures that if we remember him constantly without deviation and remain engaged in his devotional service then we can easily attain him. B.G. 8.14.
In the beginning it may not be possible to always remember him but with constant practice it can be possible. For example when we chant our mind wanders because as of now we are not having sufficient taste for the holy name. So it is advised that while chanting we should try our best to control our wandering mind and force it to focus on the holy name. If we do it continuously then eventually our mind will also develop taste for hearing the holy names.
And since chanting is not a material activity it’s a spiritual activity so when we chant then Krishna cleanses our heart and mind of all material thoughts and purifies it. As Lord Chaitanya says in Siksastakam, “Chanting cleanses the heart of all the dust accumulated for years and extinguishes the fire of conditional life of repeated birth and death.”
If we practice devotion to Krishna with determination then Krishna will provide us everything which will help us to attain him.
Krishna in Gita assures us, “But those who always worship Me with exclusive devotion, meditating on My transcendental form – to them I carry what they lack, and I preserve what they have.” Bg 9.22.
Now back to the question
Should a devotee wife love Krishna more than her husband or vice versa?
The beauty of devotional life is that the more we love Krishna the more we develop love for everyone. So if a wife or a husband is a dear devotee of Krishna then his/her love for their spouse will also multiple manifold – a win – win situation.