Grudge is not easy to give up. But Vedic wisdom helps to give up grudge easily. Let us try to see how this is possible.
What is grudge?
Dictionary defines grudge as “a persistent feeling of ill will or resentment resulting from a past insult or injury.” Most of the time grudge is towards those who were once close to us or are still around us. We might have been emotionally attached to them once, might have wanted good relationship with them, would have even tried our best to please them. But in spite of our good intentions, they would have willingly given pain to us.
They would have back stabbed us, would have spoken ill about us to others and would have tried their best to harm us. But all through the trauma we would have wanted their happiness. We might have even confronted them asking, “why are you doing this to me?” They would have smiled and said, “I have done nothing wrong. You are miserable because you deserve it.”
Our desire of preserving relationship with them would have crumbled into pieces. We might have cried in silence for days. Just like a tree loses all its leaves in fall, we would have lost all hope of happiness in our life.
“What good life has done to me. I wanted happiness for him (or her) but I got only pain.” This thought would have given us many sleepless nights.
Grudge does not allow us to grow in life
After being taken for a ride and having suffered sufficiently one day we would have mustered courage and decided to march ahead in life.
But in spite of our courageous decision to start afresh, the past does not leave us.
The feelings of betrayal keep on haunting us. We might be totally justified in having grudge towards the wrongdoer. But the hate in our heart is causing us great harm. And interestingly, it hardly has any consequence on the life of the person who gave us pain.
Grudge is like slow poison
Like slow poison, grudge slowly destroys us from within. It does not allow us to forget past and move ahead in life. Since we are always overwhelmed with the thoughts of betrayal, we stop trusting people. We fear making new friends. Grudge eventually steals happiness from our life.
It is said, grudge is like constantly holding a burning charcoal in our hand with a desire to hit the person who gave us misery. We do not know when we will get a chance to throw the red-hot charcoal on the perpetrator. In fact, we are not sure of even getting a chance. But the charcoal always keeps on burning our hand.
Similarly, the feeling of hate in our heart constantly gives us pain. Someone might have wronged us once or twice or may be a dozen times, but we are punishing ourselves all the time.
So, for our own benefit we should give up grudge. If we seriously want to grow in our life, then we should shun the feeling of hate. If we want to experience joy in life, then we should forcibly free our hearts of all negativity. It is true that forgetting bad phase of life is not easy. But unless we let it go, we won’t be able to carve a better destiny for ourselves.
If we study the life of great personalities, we find that they too had all valid reasons to let the feelings of hate reside in their hearts. But they thought differently. They proactively took charge of their life and instead of fretting about the past they carved a better future for themselves.
How Vidura handled Duryodhana’s insult?
In Mahabharata we see Vidura tried his best to serve Dhritarashtra throughout his life. But despite all his selfless service he was badly insulted by Duryodhana, Dhritarashtra’s son. And the blind king remained silent. Vidura was heartbroken, he had tears in his eyes. He had no option but to leave the kingdom, leave his home. Harsh words and insults had pierced his heart. But he did not allow the feelings of hate to take control of his life.
He did not spend a moment of his life in regretting and fretting about what had happened. He did not blame anyone for the insults. He did not ask God, “Why did you do this to me?” Instead, he proactively took control of his life. He decided to visit sacred places and meet revered saintly personalities like Uddhava and sage Maitreyi. He went deep into his spiritual life and elevated his consciousness. Thus, he enjoyed unlimited transcendental bliss.
Meanwhile those who gave pain to him suffered badly. Bhima killed Duryodhana and Dhritarashtra was living at the mercy of the Pandavas whom he had tried his best to destroy.
See this world through the eyes of the scriptures
Vidura did not choose grudge but instead he made all the right choices in his life based on the teachings of the Vedic scriptures. So, he ultimately emerged victorious. Vedic wisdom helped Vidura to give up grudge easily.
Similarly, we should also not allow ourselves to be knocked down by the feelings of grudge. It is true that it is not possible to simply forget the ill treatment, harsh words and betrayal. If we try to stop from thinking about the wrongs done to us, then it may not work. It will be difficult to forgive someone who has hurt us. Because it has affected us emotionally. But if we start seeing the world through the eyes of the scriptures then this could be possible. Vidura followed this approach only.
We cannot solve our problems with the same level of thinking and understanding that created it according to Einstein. So, if we try to solve the problem created in this material world with material thinking then we may not find a perfect solution. But if we try to solve the problem of this world with spiritual thinking then we will get a better solution.
Vedic wisdom helps to give up grudge easily
Scriptures explain that all the people living in this world are rebellious souls including you and me. All the living entities living in this material world had once rebelled against God, Krishna, in the spiritual world. They did not want to cooperate with Krishna’s plan, but they had their own plan. All are here to fulfil their desires. And they want everyone else including Lord Krishna to assist them in enjoying their life. They want you and me to help them to fulfil their personal desires.
They are not here to fulfil our dreams; they are here to fulfil their dreams. They are not here to give us enjoyment, they are here to enjoy their own life. They are not here for our needs, wants and desires but they are here for their needs, wants and desires.
They do not like those people whom they feel are creating hurdle for them in realizing their personal desires. They feel offended. For their personal enjoyment they can even go against anyone. And we should not be surprised. If they did not hesitate in going against the desires of God, then why should we be surprised if they are going against us.
It will be correct to say that people in this world with material consciousness are spiritually sick. Their hearts are filled with different degrees of lust, anger and greed. And this is the reason they do not feel pain while inflicting pain upon others. In a hospital we cannot expect patients to behave in a healthy way similarly in this material world we should not expect spiritually sick people to have saintly behaviour.
And so, we should not have too much expectation from people in this world. We are expecting love and compassion from those people who are devoid of love and compassion.
Heal your heart by giving heart to Krishna
The sufferings which we undergo in this world is because of material consciousness. If we start seeing the person who gave us pain as a spirit soul who because of being away from Krishna is now afflicted with lust, anger and greed then instead of feeling offended by his/her behavior we will feel sorry for them.
In a hospital if a patient suffering from stomach infection starts vomiting then we do not become angry, but we pray for his recovery. Similarly, if spiritually unhealthy person is behaving in a lustful, angry or greedy way then we should not become agitated, but we should have compassion for them.
So, instead of having grudge against people who have wronged us, we should focus on the activities which are constructive, and which will ensure better future. Like Vidura we should not allow hate to take control of our life. But we should put in our best efforts to reconnect with Krishna and surround ourselves with those who are sincerely trying to develop strong relationship with Krishna.
Relationship free from contamination of lust, anger and greed can be possible only with Krishna and with those who are pure devotees of Krishna.
And for those who have hurt us, we should pray for them for their speedy recover from material disease.
Heart hurts when someone hurts us. But if we give our heart to Krishna then we will never feel hurt because our heart will always enjoy the joy of being with Krishna.
